To say there are only three types of love in the Bible is to oversimplify both the word “love,” and what is written in the Bible. Bible scholars have categorized the English word “love” into three distinct types of meaning. When someone refers to the three types of the word “love” in the Bible, they are referring to three distinct Greek words for it.
The ancient Greeks had different words for what we simply call “love.” Since the New Testament was written in the Greek language that was used in the time of Christ, the focus of this article about the three types of love in the Bible will be primarily associated with the New Testament.
When Bible scholars, or those who have learned from Bible scholars, say there are three types of love in the Bible, they are referring to the three specific Greek words — eros, phileo, and agape. All three of these words describe a unique form of the word love.
Three Types of Love in the Bible — Eros
Eros is the Greek word from which we derived our English word “erotic.” This is a sexual type of love many times couched under the heading of romantic love. Eros love seeks another individual to love with the end result of the one seeking the other; the one “in love” with someone in an effort and with the ultimate to fulfil a sexual need or desire.
Eros is a very selfish love since the focus of eros love is on the one seeking love, not on the person being sought after, to fulfill the sexual release of the seeker. Eros love is a part of romantic love, but a relationship based solely on eros love is doomed for future problems.
The Greek word eros is not used in the Bible. However, the connotation of erotic love is. Eros was the mythological Greek god of love, “Cupid,” to the Romans. But this word was debased by the Greek culture, used primarily to refer to, and in praise of, sexual immorality, so much so, that the Holy Spirit did not have the writers of the Bible use this word even once.
Nevertheless, the concept of passionate love, intense physical attraction, is expressed in the Bible. The most notable example is the Song of Solomon, written by King Solomon. This entire Old Testament book celebrates the erotic love between a man and his wife. Since humans are sexual beings because God made them so, eros love is a good thing, but only when it is contained and utilized in its proper context, and that is marriage.
Here are the first two verses: “The song of songs, which is Solomon’s. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:1-2 (KJV)
The word that the Bible uses for intimate, sexual relations in both the Old Testament and the New is simply “know.” The first mention of this type of erotic love in the New Testament is in Matthew 1:25 “And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.” (KJV)
The couple referred to in this verse is Mary, the mother of Jesus, and her husband, Joseph. Although Joseph must have had sexual desire — eros — for his lovely wife, he did not have sexual relations with her until after Jesus was born.
Later in the New Testament, eros love is addressed by the Apostle Paul, although not by that word, with the necessity of the use of erotic love in marriage. Since God gave humans a sex drive, He knows and expects them the use it, but not for sexual immorality. Therefore, the purpose of getting legally married is to have a partner with whom to express, enjoy, and have sexual gratification in a moral, God-blessed union. This fact is recorded under the direction of God’s Holy Spirit in His Word by the Apostle Paul.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” (KJV)
Within the bounds of marriage, couples can, and need to, express eros love, sexual love, to one another, because they are married to each other. One of the purposes of a spouse is to be the recipient of eros love when the other spouse has a sexual need.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” (KJV)
Paul, writing these words under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, tells married couples to engage in sexual acts with each other; they are not to “defraud” each other. When one partner needs a sexual release, the other partner is not to deny their request, even if the other partner may not at that time have the same need.
The spouse that has the need for sexual release, eros love, seeks their partner, even utilizing their spouse, to help meet their need. The act of love on the part of the spouse without the same desire, who is willing to please their spouse, is showing the next type of love, which the ancient Greeks called “phileo.”
Three Types of Love In the Bible — Phileo
Phileo love is more selfless than eros love because it is a conditional kind of love. Phileo love has the capability of giving more than what is received, but with phileo love, the giver is also the recipient of something in return. Phileo love expects to receive some sort of reciprocation. Phileo love is the most general type of love. This type of love is a strong, positive emotion that covers many types of pleasurable experiences but does not necessarily have to include another human.
If someone says they love ice cream, they are expressing phileo love. The experience of eating ice cream imparts pleasure to the one who is enjoying it; therefore, they love this particular type of food. Anonymously giving money, or even volunteering time and energy to a good cause, are examples of phileo love. The return for such an act may be merely a fleeting, inward, good feeling because of the belief that those actions have helped someone. The giver of this type of love is getting something in return, even if it is only just a good feeling.
The New Testament uses the Greek word phileo a total of 21 times. The first verse in the Bible that uses the Greek word phileo for love is Matthew 6:5. Jesus is speaking, and He said, “And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love <phileo> to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.” (KJV)
The word love in this context is a strong like. The person who loves to pray publicly, to be seen by others, loves to do so because they derive pleasure when they observe others looking at them, and, hopefully, admire their spirituality. Their actions are getting a pleasurable response.
Phileo love is also that of a pleasant emotion of a friendship between close friends. Each individual contributes to the relationship, and in return, they receive the pleasant emotion of companionship, or they are the recipient of intangible events like conversation, as well as tangible items like gifts.
One of the most famous expressions of this type of phileo love was by the Apostle Peter. After Jesus’ resurrection and before His ascension into heaven, He appeared several times to His disciples. One of His conversations with the Apostle Peter is recorded in the last chapter of the Gospel of John.
John 21:17
“He [Jesus Christ] saith unto him [Peter] the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love <phileo> thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.” (KJV)
Peter told Christ that he loved Him in the way that close friends love each other.
Jesus had asked Peter twice before if Peter loved Him. The first two times Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him, Jesus used another Greek word for love, a word that conveyed a stronger, far more unselfish type of love for Jesus. Despite Jesus hinting at a stronger love, Peter truthfully answered His Savior that he loved Him as a close friend. Finally, the third time Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him, Jesus used the lesser, more selfish term for love — phileo.
Phileo love is also closely associated with another word for love used by the ancient Greeks, and that is “storge” love. The Bible does not use this term, but storge love is seen in the Bible. Storge love is a natural, familial love, also called family love, shown by a mother for her child, or the natural affection of family members for each other.
John 11:1-3
“Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. (It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.) Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.” (KJV)
The Greek word used for love in verse 3 that describes the love of Jesus for the man Lazarus is phileo. Lazarus was a friend of Jesus.
Lazarus’ family, which was composed of at least Mary, her sister, Martha, and their brother, Lazarus, had storge love for each other. The Christian writer C.S. Lewis talks about storge love in his book “The Four Loves”.
Phileo love can be called true love, especially when it is in the romantic or close friend setting, when two people have a mutual and unselfish affection for each other. However, the ancient Greeks recognized an even greater type of love that they called “agape” love.
Three Types of Love in the Bible — Agape
Agape love is the highest form of love; agape is a selfless love. Unlike eros, where the one loving is doing so to fulfill a physical need for themselves alone, and phileo, where the one showing the love does so because they receive something in return, agape love far surpasses these other two loves. Agape love is an unconditional love. Agape love loves the unlovable and continues to love even when it is rejected. Agape love demonstrates the love of God for his creation, and in particular, mankind.
The Greek word agape is first used in the Bible in this verse that was spoken by Jesus Christ. Matthew 5:43-44 “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (KJV)
These words by Jesus show what agape love is. Showing love to an enemy who hates you, who may even desire to kill you, is agape love.
The well-known verse of John 3:16 utilizes the Greek work agape. It says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16 (KJV)
After the first eight words, comes the little word with a huge meaning — “gave.” This shows that agape love is self-sacrificing. What makes agape love so wonderful is that God gave of Himself, He gave His only begotten Son, knowing that many people would not appreciate His great Gift to the world. Yet, despite the fact that God knew His love would be rejected, He still gave.
Another verse echoes this type of love in the book of Romans.
Romans 5:8
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (KJV)
Agape love is God’s love.
The agape love shown by God, through the sacrificial gift of His Son, was to make a way for eternal life for sinners, not for good people according to Matthew 19:17.
1 John 4:9-10
“In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (KJV)
The word “propitiation” means satisfaction, or payment. A holy, sinless God made the payment for sin for sinners so that they could have eternal life with Him.
This is God. God is love. He is agape love.
1 John 4:16
“And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” – 1 John 4:16 (KJV)
Once someone has been the recipient of God’s agape love, they have His Holy Spirit in them and should allow God to show agape love for others through them. This concept is relayed in this verse. “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 1 John 3:15 (KJV)
“Laying down our lives” does not necessarily mean dying for someone else. Rather, it has the idea of self-sacrificing service to others, especially other Christians. The way Christians should love other Christians is illustrated in a very well-known chapter of the Bible — 1 Corinthians chapter 13. The King James Version of the Bible translates this type of love using the word “charity,” from the Greek word “agape,” which defines this type of love.
Agape love is eternal. Chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians ends on a triumphant note that show the superiority of agape love. “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 (KJV)
In eternity, where with God will be the fullness of agape love forever and ever, there will be no need for faith or hope. Both faith and hope, while necessary in this present life, will be totally enveloped in agape love. The promises of God, in which we have faith, will be realized. The hope in God will also become reality, and agape love, which was present on Earth, will be magnified beyond our present capability to understand and enjoy it. This future promise that we must accept by faith and hope is summed up in this verse.
“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9 (KJV)
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